A Longing for Sovereignty

Why women are leaving their seats at the proverbial table, and where they are choosing to sit instead.

It's been two months since I shared the story about my path to embarking on this new chapter of life. I had not fully considered what to anticipate, but the level of deep, contemplative conversations that arrived have been a profound gift. So many women (and men) offered up precious time to connect, revealing how it had resonated with their experience or sharing their discoveries about the world or themselves as their journey is unfolding.

Whilst each conversation was nuanced and very personal, they also reaffirmed the notion of a communal arc for women in midlife: the dissolution of identities, descent to excavate, suspend in liminal space, and emerge to reintegrate and reorient our lives. But beyond the interwoven tapestry of journeys, what held as a poignant insight for me is that women are emerging from this liminal space and making a bold choice to step out of their chosen careers, and instead answering a visceral call from within the body. Surrendering to a deep longing, or as David Whyte calls it - 'divine discontent'.  

Let us pull a bit on this thread…

A gallop down history lane

For millennia now, women have been subjugated. This is not new news. We have been coerced (for the most part) to operate within systems that were never built to foster and encourage feminine ways of being. Conquer, compete, compare, consume and grow - at all cost. Repeat.

It wasn't always this way though.

In the very short history of human existence, for the majority, social systems of partnership and equality prevailed. Feminine virtues were revered and women worshipped as fertile goddesses. It is only in our most recent history that systems of dominance have been perpetuated. Under this system, women's life-bearing power became viewed as a threat and so our feminine ways became portrayed as weak and in some instances evil, and our roles therefore in society restricted. Any kind of move towards embracing the power of the feminine was swiftly quashed.

It wasn't until the industrial revolution that women were brought into the formal 'economic' workforce, working in mines, factories, and so on. A new form of exploitation ensued. Then, in the first and second world wars, women stepped up and stepped in and this opened the gates to further integration into the formal economy. Still, however, any acts of service falling under feminine virtues were relegated to non-economic activities such as raising children, care, community, and charity work.

The second wave of feminism arrived in the 1960s and 70s, bringing with it a call for women to have 'a seat at the table.'* These words were a rallying cry, not only to women in government, but to women everywhere. If you wanted to have your say, if you wanted to influence decisions, if you wanted to ensure your humanity was not discounted, you needed a seat at the proverbial table.

The 90s through to 2020 were about just this. Women showed up time and time again to sit at tables of all shapes and sizes - in the boardroom, in government - the sphere of influence grew significantly. For the first time we had women leading countries and Fortune 500 companies. They worked hard to prove over and over again why they deserved that seat at the table. All while still carrying the mental load of nurturer, caregiver, lifegiver. It was a busy time for women. You know what they say, 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.'

*This phrase has roots deeper than second wave feminism. Langston Hughes used the analogy first in his poem 'I, Too, Am America'. Shirley Chisholm, the first Black woman elected to US Congress made it a rallying cry: "If they don't give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair."

A reckoning with that seat at the table

So here we are, in 2026, and I'm not saying we are in hell, but we have teetered relatively close to it of late. All the work to maintain the seat at the table has meant we have ended up with a completely exhausted generation of women who've reached the pinnacle of their hard earned careers and are now choosing intentionally to give these up. Careers that brought access to financial independence and opportunities to shape global outcomes. Careers that brought status and recognition for our work. Careers that took blood, sweat and tears to build. Careers we sacrificed for.

Imagine the level of courage required to take this sort of action.

On a recent Women Wonder Wild journey I sat around a fire with three such women. One had walked away from a career in marketing on Wall Street, moved into making wine, practising yoga and Ayurvedic practices, and is now writing a memoir.  Another stepped out of roles in sports marketing and major roles in sustainability and into yoga and breathwork. The third left a large family-run business to build something smaller and more personal aligned with her purpose.

There are many examples of women on the global stage following this path too - Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of New Zealand; Susan Wojcicki, CEO of YouTube. In fact The New York Times recently named it the "power pause"  - Women, after years of leaning in, are stepping back. Going part time or leaving corporate jobs entirely.

Have all of us lost our marbles? Or have we in fact found them.

At a time when women's rights globally are under threat, stepping out of the system that threatens these rights and into something that reclaims them, is the sanest thing we could do.

Reclaiming our sovereignty

It may seem like women are abandoning ambition - I'll be honest I have a tricky relationship with this word - and opting for something 'easier'. And certainly, it may seem like running breathwork training sessions would be easier than running a team of 50 people. But running your own business, the initial loss of financial stability, putting yourself out there, oftentimes as a solopreneur, is not an easy route out. In fact it is a plunge head first into vulnerability. We still sit with questions of worth and acceptance. And we risk rejection in a much more obvious way. So why do we do it? Why do we risk it all?

From the conversations I've had, and from my own lived experience, we seem to get to a point when we simply cannot go any further. As one friend observed, 'My body just said no. Full stop.' And when the body says no, we have two choices. We can override it, which many of us do, for years, at huge cost to our health. Or we can listen to it.

Listening is the harder path. It opens the door to unravelling false truths. The identity we have built over decades doesn't always dissolve gracefully. In fact it can be a humiliation. It can be disorienting, grief-laden, and often deeply lonely. But women who have walked through it and come out the other side describe something ineffable happening.  Not a reminder of who we were before, but of something more fundamental. A return to the self that existed before the socialised self emerged. A return to sovereignty.**

As we connect with this archetypal energy in midlife, we change. So does how we show up in life. Our priorities shift. We value different things. We find it increasingly difficult to live out of alignment with our values.  For me personally, it looked something like this. Priorities shifted from: title and status to authorship and autonomy; money and control to simplification and surrender; problem solving to contemplating tough questions; busyness to being present; self sabotage to being true to my word (especially with myself); saving the world to changing how I am in the world.  

**The Sovereign (Queen) archetype virtues include; trusting in one’s self, confidence in your abilities, a robust alignment with your values, the courage to live authentically, accountability for your actions, leading with wisdom and compassion.  And, most importantly, using your power in service of the greater good. 

Why where women choose to sit matters more than ever

Women make up over 50% of the world's adult population. From an economic standpoint this matters because we have influence and agency over how we choose to make our money, and even more importantly, where we choose to spend it. I have always believed we hugely underestimate the power we as women can exert by choosing to spend our money consciously. We can't complain about all these gluttonous billionaire playboys if we continue to use their services on the daily.

But more importantly for me, this matters because as women, our sphere of influence from a values perspective is profound. When women's values shift, so do the values of those around us. Human beings are shaped by what we see and what we experience. When women choose to follow that longing, to return to a more relational way of being in the world, so others will follow. When women choose to share vulnerable stories about the path they have walked, and these stories are witnessed and resonate, brave action is taken. A virtuous cycle of sharing, witnessing and right action unfolds. Change happens.

Instead of sitting at the table, women are reorienting their lives, and in doing so, the lives of those around them. They are opening their own businesses, businesses that are in service to the greater good. Ones that advocate for women's health and connect us with our bodies and with our breath. Ones that focus on travel with integrity, that bring nature to the fore. They are buying businesses and shifting them to focus on community needs. They are choosing to sit together in circles of community. They are planting gardens. They are standing at sports fields, at a school play, at a prize giving. Or in solitude at a potter's wheel or an easel, by a tree, or on a river. They are tending the liminal space of the unknown and embracing the uncertain but fertile soil of creativity. 

They are sitting around fires in the wilderness, remembering who they are and leading the way by bringing into existence a different way of being in this world.

The wild has always known how to hold the unknown, follow the longing within and join me on a Women Wonder Wild journey. www.womenwonderwild.com